Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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