While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
