it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
