put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
