just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
