I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
