he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
