the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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