wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
