Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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