I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
