You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
