Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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