Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
