Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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