i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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