as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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