Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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