Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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