i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
