My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
