Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
