Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
