Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
