i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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