He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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