im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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