This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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