He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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