Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
