You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
