I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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