I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
