The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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