you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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