I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
