you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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