there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
