Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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