Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
