alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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