ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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