im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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