Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
