so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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