1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
