i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
