I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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