eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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