I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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